April 30th, 2007

I am Ready to Leave Crankitude and Resume Life on Planet Elisabeth

So here’s the thing: I’m generally a pretty happy person. (Too damn happy, some might say. But caffeine will do that to you.) But I have my moods. There was a time a few months ago that I was itching for a fight, but every time I tried to instigate a good, rousing, air-clearing argument, my potential quarrel partner practically patted me on the head and said, “Aww—are you having a rough day?” (And I tried with a lot of different people. I guess being adorable has its downside. Hahahahaha)


Then I bounced back. Despite the fact that no one would argue with me. (Okay, maybe because of the fact that no one would fight with me.)


Crankiness with me is generally fleeting, and not even that regular a visitor. Other moods, while more inexplicable, roll around much more frequently. (Like last month, I was watching a movie of a hilarious Oscar Wilde novel. And it was, as expected, hilarious. And I started crying about 20 minutes in. Which, while pathetic, is not nearly as bizarre as the day I started crying at “I Love Lucy.” Yet, strangely, mushy Hallmark commercials never seem to get to me.)


But now I’ve been cranky, for no good reason that I can ascertain, since Wednesday. So cranky, in fact, that every time I tried to blog last week, I had to scrap it because it was even bringing me down.


I don’t know about you, but when I get into a mood like this, every single thing that happens seems to add to it—even stuff that I’m not going through, but friends are. And because I am a list-maker, I start lining up every single thing that is making me more cranky, so I can get crankier yet. And because I love to share, I will put my list here. (A generalized list, to protect the innocent. Or myself. Let me just say it straight out: if you think you recognize yourself on this list, I wasn’t actually venting about you. It was someone else entirely. Okay, except in your case [pointing].)  


  • When I open a folder on my computer, I darn well expect it to stay open and allow me to access any and all documents of my choosing—without crashing. Ever.
  • If people in the ecotourism industry cannot agree what ecotourism is, they should not have started an industry in the first place.
  • Car trouble is horrible. When it’s mine, when it’s someone else’s. Whatever. Cars suck.
  • I think all legal matters should have a required resolution period of 30 days maximum. And I think legal matters should be discussed more in English and less in Latin. And I think people should be less stupid and stubborn so they don’t have to turn their personal matters into legal matters.
  • I think everyone should move at my speed. (Okay, yes, that’s excessively bossy even for me. But come on! We’re all dying a little bit each day. What are we waiting around for? Make a move, already!)
  • Boys are oblivious and girls are obsessive. The sooner we all understand these basics, the better off we will all be. A friend of mine complained the other day that this guy who seemed interested hadn’t called in 31 days. Thirty-one days that followed their first date. Yes, she counted. (Don’t we all?) And yes, that was a depressingly familiar scenario. (Although, I can say happily, 31 days does seem abnormally long.) And yes, he was still interested, and asked her out again. (In person, not over the phone.) Here’s my suggestion: boys, be less stupid! Girls, don’t count so much!
  • I think people should know what they want and then take the steps necessary to achieve or obtain their heart’s desire. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a story assignment. Figure it out, people!
  • I don’t care if tears are necessary for keeping your eyes clean. There comes a point when you have to just knock it off.
  • If you are planning a major event and hope that zillions of people are going to attend, you damn well better send the invitations out with plenty of time for people to calendar the event and, you know, get appropriate attire and/ or dates. Or if fewer than a dozen people have RSVPd to this event, you’d better be damn well prepared to cancel it instead of mowing ahead to certain failure that you are very, very likely to blame on other people.
  • When you’re at work, you should work. When you’re not at work, you should have fun. (Try it! I bet your workday will go by quicker, and you’ll enjoy your free time more.)
  • If you’re looking for a laugh riot, do not rent a German film. (I’ve been watching a bunch lately to warm up for my trip to Germany in June. It’s true, my relatives are pretty happy people. That’s probably whence I get my relentless joy in life. But the people who work in the film industry there, not so much.)
  • So if you find yourself on Planet Crank, maybe you should do yourself a favor and not watch German films and not listen to Keane. (I mean, “I lost my heart, I buried it too deep/ Under the iron sea” is not exactly the most uplifting stuff to listen to. Though they are very catchy.)


Okay, then. I’m going to leave my list here and head back to Planet Elisabeth. Things are crazy there, too—but considerably more cheerful.

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